my biggest fear is I’m married & my husband says, “let’s cut sugar out of our diet” so I have to leave with the kids in the middle of the night
what do you mean not everyone has a toilet that washes and massages your butt
Wait there are toilets like that?
what an incredible experience it must be
im mildly concerned about something labeled “turbo” going near my butt
im in a country that has children beheading people like a sport.
I’m sorry if all the inbreeding that’s been happening in your family for the past few generations has fucked you up to a point where you can’t read a book or go outside but he isn’t Arab and you’re so dumb I’m feeling physically ill
Also what countries behead children like its normal legit name a fuckin country you inbred
"At least you love me." I say to my pet as I hold them against my chest as they try to get away
Hey remember that one time I didn’t give a fuck what assholes thought and I decided to wear whatever the fuck I want because I’m pretty damn cute? Cuz I sure do.
the worst part about ugly dudes is everyone defends them like ‘he’s really funny though’ or something but if a chick is ugly to someone they just straight up dirt like they might as well not even have a personality
- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist (via kushandwizdom)
- anon (via invhale )
i remember when i was 14 this kid asked me out and i told him i wasnt allowed to date till i was 16 and he said “i’ll wait.”
two years later he wished me a happy birthday and asked me out
did you say yes
DID YOU FUCKING SAY YES
do you ever sit in school like i know the answer to that questions but i’m not saying it because this class is pissing me off